Snapping to your sences, realizing what kind of idiot you actually are :P

I just realized lately that during my relationship with my ex-gf, I put less effort into my future and dreams, which I realize now, is WRONG.

Dreams last a lifetime, relationships rarely do...


This may sound somewhat stupid, stereotypical or just plain old "Guy stuff", but lately I got back in touch with my future dreams, letting go of this relationship, knowing to myself: I'm going to keep doing what's required to get my life and my future in order, and if I find a girl that loves me and accepts my future in the military along the way, good. If not, so be it, I'll die with my rifle in hands one day, with pride and honor. I'm done with looking for love, if it doesn't want to come to me, then fuck it.

Lately, I just spent my days getting the military back into my life. Polished up my uniform, and realized that I'm proud to wear it, even though I'm not in the Army just yet, and it gave me motivation.

I've been listening to all kinds of marches, chants and songs. From raw warrior songs about how kickass soldiers are, to the chants of the sacrifices of a soldier, to the marches of ceremonies, and they all put pride in my heart.


It takes a long time to realize this part of life, but it's good when you can actually keep it in your mind without losing it, like I did. Love comes/goes, but don't adjust your life to it, let it adjust to your life, if it can't, it's not meant to be. I found back that little push that gives me purpose and motivation. And well, I'm gonna start doing everything good again. School's gonna get it's ass OWNED by me in January, and I'ma walk out there with straight A's in June, with the respect of every single one of those teachers that said all kinds of bad things about me before.

After that, I'm going to walk back into that recruitement office that told me to "Stop trying" to get military schools back accepted into Belgium, and I'ma show them that it can get interest again, if they do it right.

And well, if I have gods support, then next year, I'll be living my dream in the Belgian Non Comissioned Officer Training Corps, like I always wanted to.


Keep that thrill in your lives, dear people, and NEVER lose your sharpness, your motivation or your dreams. Believe that you WILL get there, and you will, if only you believe hard enough.

As the Americans say: "In god we trust." ,
Bender
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
The soldiers creed goes as following, and I live by it:

I am an American Soldier.

I am a Warrior and a member of a team.

I serve the people of the United States, and live the Army Values.

I will always place the mission first.

I will never accept defeat.

I will never quit.

I will never leave a fallen comrade.

I am disciplined, physically and mentally tough, trained and proficient in my warrior tasks and drills.

I always maintain my arms, my equipment and myself.

I am an expert and I am a professional.

I stand ready to deploy, engage, and destroy, the enemies of the United States of America in close combat.

I am a guardian of freedom and the American way of life.

I am an American Soldier.

 HOOAH! (U.S. Army Battle-Cry)

Uncertainty

Everyone has been there atleast once. You break up with a girl, stay friends, but she gets someone else, and it feels as if it's being rubbed in your face every second and hurts like fuck. You thought you were over her, appearantly you're not, and you feel stupid for not being over it while she obviously already is.


That's my life right now... :S

Holidays

Well people, as you all may know, for most of the people in the world, it's winter HOLIDAYS right now! That means relaxation, Christmas, relaxation, New Year, and ofcourse: MONEY!!!! Uhm, I mean, family!!! (lol)

Now everyone needs to get some rest sometimes, like it or not, I personally LOVE IT!!! :D
It means you get to hang out with friends, have fun and stop busting your ass off for hell, uhm, I mean school....

I learned the meaning of WORK in the last months because of school, it was all work work work, busy busy busy since I got sick in September and missed half of everything.. -_-

I was stressed all the time, still am actually, cause well, I'ma find out my exam results tomorrow :O And I'm FREAKING OUT!! 



Now it's easy to ask "What if..?" questions to yourself, about the exams, about everything actually... But I can tell you, it's not gonna get you far :P


People, it's our time off, so have fun, relax, sleep in, don't even mention an alarm clock, or by god I will find you, and I'll do horrible things to you. It's all about being in a good mood, even if you gotta force yourself into it, it'll make you HAPPY :)

So to all: Happy Holidays, and a happy New Year!




Signed,
Like a boss,
Bender

It had to happen sooner or later : The break-up

Sorry for not posting such an awfully long time, a lot's been going on lately. For one, there's my exams that just passed, then there's some more sickness (don't worry, that's actually normal for me) and last, but definetly not least, a break up...

You know, the basic "Best friends turning into way more than friends"... But then it usually is impossible to return to best friends if it happens to fail.. Well I'm trying, really am... It's a painful situation, equal to just standing in the freezing cold with only a shirt and looking up into the snow... It's cold, hurts, and feels really awful coming down on you...

Now there's one song that definetly corresponds with every single thing I've had on my mind.. And that's sad to say, but true...


One is for envy
And one just for spite
The cuts in my heart
They show in your eyes
Don’t make it better
The twisting knife
Turns all by itself
On to someone else

Your self-liberation
Will leave this behind
Beyond slings and arrows
That rain on our minds
You’ll make it better
Shake it off
It never mattered anyway

If we don’t make it alive
Well it’s a hell of a good day to die
All our light that shines strong
Only lasts for so long

And it’s ashes to ashes again
Should we even try to pretend?
All our light that shines strong
Only lasts for so long

The banner you’re waving
Is burning and red
It’s blocking the sunlight
That shines overhead
You against the world
Diamonds and pearls
Voices inside you churn
Watch the city burn

Your own liberation
Will leave them behind
All the slings and arrows
That rain on your mind
Don’t make it better
Break it cause
It never mattered anyway

If we don’t make it alive
Well it’s a hell of a good day to die
All our light that shines strong
Only lasts for so long

And it’s ashes to ashes again
Should we even try to pretend?
All our light that shines strong
Only lasts for so long

I
Won't
Come
Down

The banner you're waving
Is burning and red
You against the world
Diamonds and pearls
It never mattered
Mattered
Mattered anyway

If we don’t make it alive
Well it’s a hell of a good day to die
All our light that shines strong
Only lasts for so long

And it’s ashes to ashes again
Should we even try to pretend?
All our light that shines strong
Only lasts for so long

All our light that shines strong
Only lasts for so long




It's one of those "Just needs some time" moments, but hey, if listening to music all day and putting other stuff on my mind helps me deal with this mess, than so be it. I actually don't feel that extremely bad anymore, since I realised that somehow I'm pretty much over it already, these feelings just described my last few days. As for now, accept the fact you're going on as best friends, and that already makes it a whole lot better!!


But hey, you know what the French infantry always says? "Omnia si perdas, famam servare memento." which means : Remember to serve with glory, even if you have lost everything.